I am constantly reminded about the power of prayer. It amazes me sometimes how little faith I can have, and then boom, God smacks me up side the head with just what I was praying for. A few weeks ago at church, the little ones and I were talking about Peter trying to walk on water. How he was so excited to go out and meet Jesus, but when things got tough he gave up. He instantly realized in his desperation he needed Jesus. Jesus...Who very calmly reached out and grabbed him, and scolded Peter for his little faith.
Life is hard, and very messy. Most of us would agree, it sometimes just stinks. I look at recent world events and many of our friend's families suffering for various medical and financial reasons. It is so easy to be like Peter, and just sink into the water. Or worse, scream out that God could not possibly exist in all this chaos. But I must say that in the chaos is where I find him best. In the chaos, I can lay in his arms and weep, asking for strength to go on.
This past week has been one where I started out sinking. I knew Brooke's urologist would most likely not say she had a neurogenic bladder. We had been going round with this for almost 2 years now. I figured he would tell me to wait until she was a little older. I called on Monday requesting notes form our last visit a month ago. Heard nothing. Called Tuesday....twice...still nothing. By Wednesday, I felt sure we would be making the 2 hour trip to the urologist in Columbus in April. I started giving up. Then Thursday, I pretended that I did not even need this info. Friday comes, and I think, ok...one more call, then I am done. I call and the lady faxes the notes right away to my dad, who promptly emails them to me. I read them....I reread...Wait does her diagnosis really say Chiari I Malformation and NGB??? NGB must mean Neurogenic Bladder! I quickly dial TCI and get right through to her Nurse. This rarely happens. She says is probably does mean that, but the NS needs it written out. Ok, deep breath, I call back the urologist. Receptionist transfers me to the Nurse. She says yes that is what it means. I ask her if the doc could write it out in the chart. She says, "why?" I explain. She tells me to please hold. Prayers begin, I am neck deep in the water. The nurse comes back on and tells me it has been written out, would I like a copy. YES!!! I emailed a copy of the new notes to her NS.
I never in a million years thought this doc would budge. He even made one comment that we would worry when she was 14. And there it was written in the notes for the past month! The unexpected answer, waiting on me!
What does this mean? It means we have the final piece to the tethered cord puzzle. We can hopefully schedule this surgery. This surgery should relieve Brooke's terrible leg pain and hopefully help her urinary and bowel issues. It is not a for sure deal. She may still have pain and other issues, but it could possibly fix it all. She will still have the dizziness, nausea and headaches. And she will still require a collar for some things, and have to avoid many activities.
So I am in complete bewilderment and awe over the power of prayer, and then the worry sets in. Another surgery...possibly in the same year as the last. My little lady has been through so much. Tears, and confusion. Is this the right time? Then I begin to think of our finances. Surgeries put great strain on finances, especially when you live away from home for them. We almost lost our house last time. And we are still struggling to stay afloat, even after so much generous help. How will we do it? Then I realize I am sinking once again. The unexpected is scary. I just have to reach out and trust. It really is the only way. I know that we will be surrounded in prayer once again!