A few weeks ago, I was leaving a friend's house and slipped on the ice. I felt my self hit the sidewalk hard. My poor leg and wrist received most of the damage. I sat back on the curb, and fought back tears as I looked at my cute, black flats....scuffed toes. I sat there for only a moment, but felt deep sadness over my silly shoes. Yes, you are probably thinking, good grief girl get a grip. And I did. I marched back to the car and headed off to the next destination.
I pulled those shoes out the other day, my only pair of black flats. I stared at my shoes, scuff mark and all. Years ago, I would have tossed those shoes and bought a new pair. Those days are long gone, major changes to budget do not include new shoes. In fact, these shoes I bought on sale right before Christmas. Only $5.50. I knew these shoes needed to last.
I stood there looking down at my feet, and realized that I was more messed up then these shoes. I have fallen so many times, and had to be dragged back up. Each time, a new scuff mark shows up. And yet, my friends, my family, and God keep reaching down to keep picking me back up. Never once have they given up on me. Never once have they tossed me aside like an old shoe. I have to say I kinda like my scuffed shoes now. They remind me to be humble and not prideful. They remind me to be thankful for all the blessings I do have.
We are headed out this week for a check up with the Neurosurgeon. This is a time when I have been dragging my feet, creating "deep" scuff marks. I, of course want to get answers, but am more nervous of not getting any answers. Brooke will be sedated for the MRI on Thursday. She will be having a brain, thoracic and lower lumbar MRI. They will be checking to see if she has any herniation in her cerebellum. They will also be looking at cerebral spinal flow. And they will be checking for a tethered spinal cord. We will see our wonderful Dr. B on Friday. I called to make sure we had a spot at the Ronald McDonald House and found out they never received our reservation from the doctor office. They then told me that they are closed for 2 weeks for maintenance. ???? So we are scrambling to figure out plan b.
With all this ahead, I am trying to focus on the concerns I need to go over with the doc: severe headaches, dizziness, falling down stairs, extreme fatigue, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, vomiting, feeling ill after eating, severe leg pain, back pain, extreme temperature changes, urine and bowel issues. How can a little girl be playing and ok one minute, and 20 minutes later, in horrible pain? What can I do to help her deal with this? What can I do to educate people? How can I explain to people this is life long?
As I think and pray over this, I am encouraged! I am encouraged by so many people. I had a friend sit with me today. She listened, and never once questioned my intentions for my child. She offered her love and support, but never once did she criticize me for how I am handling all this. I have another BFF who just pulls me up so many times. Mostly by caffeinating me :), but also by love and listening. I have others who have walked this walk or are walking this walk, who just get it. Then there are those 100's of people who are praying each day! I do not know each prayer, but I am encouraged by everyone.
So I wore those scuffed shoes the other day to work, and found encouragement right outside my door. A young man at our church started doing some volunteer work at the church. I knew of him, but had never met him. Since he is going to be working with me on some projects, we were introduced. He stuck out his hand for me to shake, and there was one of Brooke's Lovely Little Ladybug bracelets on his wrist. My heart was filled. This young man, who did not even know Brooke, was praying for her. And more than that, he was supporting her! I can not possibly tell you the immense emotion that gave me! I am crying just typing this. Knowing that my daughter is cared for and loved is a wonderful feeling! I looked down at my shoes, and knew that I was being pulled up from the fall!