I have not written in so very long. And to be honest, I do not even feel like writing today. I am completely drained. I feel like I do not have one ounce of umph left in me. But I was so moved by my friend's post today, I wanted to share. She speaks so much truth of where we are in our journey. Please take time to read... a post by my friend Monica.
This past week I have spent hours with her little bird, Danica and my bug, Brooke. I love to sit with a cup of tea and a book, listening to the two girls chatter on and play. It melts my heart to see their love and understanding for one another. And yet I completely understand it. Monica and I have only known each other for a little over a year, and yet I feel like it has been a lifetime. Her childhood and mine parellel each other in many ways. God has knit our history so that it would connect, and we would in turn mend each other. I am constantly reminded by her beautiful example to praise Him through all. She just gets its! She gets the pain our daughters suffer, the sleepless nights, the fear of having a home to live in, the endless bill collectors, and the people on the fence waiting for us to jump over into "normal" life again.
It is hard to explain to others how our life looks from the inside. I have people say how great Brooke looks, how she has healed up great. I normally just smile and agree because it is to hard to explain. But they are not there when she has played to hard. Last night was an example. Sunday was a long day, she had a meltdown at a play we went to for dear Aunt Amy. She hates crowds and the noise and bustle was too much for her. Then she played with her friend on Monday. What happened...she crashed. She fell asleep for a few hours and when she woke up, pardon my language, all hell broke loose. She screamed in pain for hours. She sat hunched behind a chair crying and writhing in pain. She can't be comforted, and no medicene helps. How can a mama look at her bug and say, "Honey you played to hard!"??? When all she played was tea party, squinkies, and polly's? She did not run and jump, she just played.
Yes to a certain degree she is better, her brainstem no longer is squeezed by her brain. But she is not healed. We can't jump that fence, and must remain on the other side. Like Monica says it is not a season, but a lifetime. And some days, most days...that makes me sad. But God so beautifully planned that we would not be alone on this side, and I am constantly reminded of that!