Sitting in church this morning, I realized how utterly important it is to be close to God. No this is not a new revelation for me, but a reminder. I pray everyday, and most days find myself chatting away to God. But so often I forget to stop and listen. And one thing I have a hard time with is surrendering my will to His. Not that I do not trust His plan, or even dislike it...I just feel powerless when I do not feel in control. My life teaches me more everyday that I simply can't control my life. I am powerless, even when I try desperately to cling to that power. In the end, God always shows up and taps (knocks) some sense into me. Today I needed that as I prepare for this upcoming surgery.
22 more days...that is all!!! On September 24th I will have surgery in Cincinnati to fuse my c1 and c2 spine. I can actually say...I am hopeful! The idea of being able to hold my head up and my head not pounding is a wonderful thought! I also know this is a rough surgery with a 6 to 8 week recovery time. I am very nervous that my house will become a toxic dump, my children will form at least 2 cavities, and I will lose my mind from being cooped up. These are all things out of my control, so I am starting to breathe deep now to prepare myself.
I went to my doc last week. She was concerned with my breathing issues. I am very short of breath. She wanted a few things checked to make sure all is ok. On Thursday I went for a CT scan of my chest. All looks normal, except for a soft tissue mass on my spine. Praying it is something that Dr Durrani can address, so I will talk with him next time I go. I have a pulmonary function test scheduled for this Friday. I leave Thursday morning to drive (no worries, my mom is driving!) to Cincy for my pre op tests. I am going to try to squeeze Aidan's flexion/extension MRI and 3d CT in while we are down there. We have to do it all in one day because I have to be back for my Friday morning appointment. :( It will definitely be a very long day. Please pray for my mom, as she is very worn out! She is such a blessing to me, but I know that she is also hurting.
I have a few specific prayer requests. I am never good at asking for help. In fact, I will pretty much do something unless someone tells me not to. Although lately, I have let things slide because my body can not physically do it. Thankfully a dear friend is coming once a week to help me with the cleaning tasks I am unable to do! It is wonderful because I can rest easy knowing my floors are clean, and my bathroom does not stink. Going into this surgery I know I will need help afterwards. So many have been kind to offer to help. I wanted to post a few things that I will need assistance with. If you feel led to help, please let me know. Again I am humbled by all who have helped and prayed in the past. We are so blessed to have such amazing family and friends. God is Good!
1. Food: My amazing friend Monica has set up a Take Them a Meal page for us. Plus some other friends have made some freezer meals for us. If you would like to sign up on Take Them a Meal...that would be amazing. Just follow this link: http://www.takethemameal.com/ Last Name: Crown Password: PRAY
2. Helping with Kids: Tim will be off for the first week. And my mom will be around to help also. But I know the kids will be itching for some play date time. I am creating a schedule of when Tim and my mom will be available. If you are interested in helping with this, please private message me. I can check times with you. Please no one take this the wrong way...but I am very protective of Brooke (of course I am of all my children, but hers due to health issues). She has several special needs and I am open to talking about them, just not here.
3. Various Household Things: I do have someone who helps once a week, and another friend who tries to come 1 to 2 times per month. But with me in bed, I am sure we will need help with this. Tim is a help, but works soooo many hours. I want his time to mostly be kid focused since they will not have their mama in the same capacity. So we need help with stuff like laundry, ironing, dishes...I know sounds super exciting, right!? Do not everyone volunteer at once! ;)
4. Errands: Hopefully there will not be many of these. I am trying to stock up. But I know something will come up. My main shopping places are Raisin Rack, Giant Eagle, and Target.
5. Travel Needs: I hate posting this one, but I am trying to be open and honest. All of these doc appointments and surgeries are straining us financially. After 2 job losses in the past year, we are just playing catch up. Any extra overtime is paying medical bills and prescriptions. I hate talking about this kind of stuff because comparatively speaking we are ok. We have a house, food, vehicles. Please know my heart, I know we are blessed! Still some days are kind of scary when I realize how many trips to Cincy we have coming up, plus numerous surgeries, and trips to other docs in other states. With that said, if anyone feels called to help us with expenses that would be amazing!!! We will need a hotel in Cincy, plus gas back and forth, and food. We tend to mostly eat at subway as it does not bother Tim or the kids as much as other fast foods. Anything is a blessing!
6. Prayers!!!! We know the power of prayer! We know God has this! Just knowing you are praying, makes me smile. I feel a little less stressed and can remember that we are treasured!
Thank you all!!!