Tonight is my last night with my kiddos for a while. My heart is broken! I know it sounds silly but my heart is only complete with my kiddos close to me. I have 2 of my bugs snuggled in next to me. Brooke and Chan have both found a comfy spot in my bed, and I am eating up all the extra snuggle time with them. I have to say the most difficult part of going tomorrow is leaving them here. And yet, they are my greatest motivation for going and taking the time to heal properly. I know how much they need me to heal, and how much I need to get back to them.
I was telling a friend the other day that one of the hardest realizations to come to is knowing that you are the only person(excluding hubby) who loves your child unconditionally. I know that friends and family care a great deal for them, but that unconditional love is something only hubby and I can give. I think of my sweet Aidan and worry about how he will handle all of this. He takes things to heart, and sometimes becomes emotional over small things. I love him for this! I love his sweetness towards me, and the ways he tries to help around the house. I love how he cares so deeply for others, and wants to speak up over injustices.
My feisty Brooke can make many turn their heads and wonder who her mother is! And yet I love her spunk and complete love for life! She can speak her mind, and still be loving to the core. Brooke thrives on routine, and loves to know she is being cared for. She loves snuggles and also loves her alone time. If she is angry, she wants nothing more then to be left alone. Brooke is not one you reason with or even coax into being happy. She loves to march to her very own drum!
My ultimate snuggle bug is my Chan Man. He is the one I am most worried about leaving. I know the other kiddos understand where I am going, and will be busy playing and making memories. Dear Chandler has hardly left my side. He has not stayed away from me much at all. Even when Brooke had her surgeries, I took him. He sleeps with me every night! I am so scared he will miss his mama, and I will miss him!
With all this said....I know they will be fine. God loves them even more than me, He has their future in His hands! I am so thankful to have that peace. And I have to say Tim and I are looking forward to some time away! Funny that most of our friends take cruises or fun beach vacations. Not us! We are headed to Cincy to stay a few days in the hospital! We are excited though for a whole car ride to talk, a night away in a hotel, and just being there with each other. The little things make it all special!