Really???

Ever have one of those moments where you lay your head on your hand and just say..."Really??"  Lately I feel like I am doing that quite a bit.  Sometimes it is for things that are not so great...and sometimes it is for very awesome blessings!  We moved down here with high hopes of starting fresh after a tough 2 years.  We followed a job that promised amazing things, like more family time.  We moved into a rental that had many luxuries our old house did not have, like a first floor laundry and fewer stairs.  Unfortunately this move has not been easy.  I have written about this several times before, so I will leave it at that.  We have trusted is God brought us here for a purpose.  Some days it is hard to see what it might be.  I do have a few ideas though, let me share.

A few weeks before Christmas, the hubby's plant went on a temporary shut down.  Although we have no savings, and were not sure how this would play out, we focused on the temporary part.  God bless my wonderful, amazing parents as they came to our rescue, and helped with some things.  I had bought a few Christmas items for the kids at Walmart and decided to take them back. (do not misunderstand, we still had gifts.  The kids received plenty of gifts! :)) But Aidan was with me.  I told him that I needed to run into Walmart and exchange some things and he could just turn around while I did it.  He said, "Mom, I know you are taking back some gifts.  That is ok, that is not what Christmas is about anyway.  And food is more important."  Of course the tears welled up in my eyes.  I could not be more proud of that young man!!!  And Christmas was great!  We had quiet time as a family, Church, and a wonderful ham dinner.

A few days before Christmas, I was seriously worried about some bills that needed paid.  I prayed and just asked for some answers.  Two cards came in the mail that day from my dear friend, Monica.  This lady just had brain surgery and her bills resemble ours in many ways.  And yet...she sent me 2 cards of encouragement and money to help!!!  I cried at her sheer generosity and love because I knew she gave all she had!  That same night, we had a Christmas party for our Church.  I went, excited to be out of the house.  Wonderful Courtney pulled me aside and handed me an envelope with funds to help us.  But the best part... a note that read "from your small group.  We Love You!."  I must have read that note several times, and then tucked it in my Bible.  Blessings!

A few days after Christmas we received the news that the plant was officially closed down.  The reason we relocated our whole family was gone, just like that!  I have to be honest, I was scared.  We both knew we had to start looking immediately.  Both of us feeling kinda defeated, we started listing options.  Still unsure what the right answer was.  That day another blessing came in the mail!  My cousin Jeff had done a fundraiser for Brooke.  A portion of the money came to Brooke to help with future medical costs, and a portion went for Chiari research.  The part that we got is just what we need to be able to take Brooke to this new doc in Cinci!  And almost $3000 was donated to Chiari Research!!!  What a wonderful blessing!

Over the past week, we have been praying and talking about what we should do.  The job market down here is not terribly great.  We are waiting until the end of this month for unemployment to kick in.  Tim is anxious to be working again, and has been actively looking.  Again, several friends have stepped in and emailed his resume to their contacts.  The other day I was in Walmart, the lady at the check out was not kind.  I was almost in tears by her rudeness, and I wanted to say to her, "Do you realize this is the last $20 my family has until the end of this month?"  When I left, I just prayed that God would help me remember this time.  Remember that He is always in charge, and that someday I can help that person in line behind or in front with what I have.  That I think twice about everything I have, for others may be one bill away from nothing.

Do not get me wrong, we are blessed!!!  My family has helped us and God provides.  He leads us even when it is hard for us to pick up our feet.  On Wednesday, we talked again about our options.  February is fast approaching, and without an amazing job in the next few days...we can't stay here.  After option after option seeming wrong or not doable, we decided to move home.  Move back to our house with many stairs!   Can I say at the first thought of moving home, my heart jumped!  It is my home no matter how many issues it has!  But my heart also sank.  We would be leaving my new, wonderful Brookfield Church, and my family there!  And I also worried about our lease, even though I knew if we stayed we had no way of paying.  And we continue to pray that he understands our situation.  Still unsure about the decision, I had told a friend back home.  Hours later she sent me a text, saying how excited she was for us to be coming home.  It reaffirmed to me this was a good decision.

So Canton, here we come!  Not sure what is in store for us, but at least we will have a roof over our heads, and family close by.  Both of us can look for jobs, and our beloved Pediatrician will be there.  Our dog, Ranger, can actually run in the backyard.  We will be able to be close to our old neighbors, and our Amy!  My parents will be able to stop over for a visit, and the kiddos will see their playmates.  Why did God have us move in the first place???  I think it is quite simple, to bring us to the ends of ourselves.  To humble us, and remind us to trust, and to hold on to Him.  He brought us here to put amazing people in our lives, who pray fervently with and for us.  And people with whom I feel a special life long connection.  Although none of it has been easy, and has left me saying Really? many times, blessings abound.  I always tease that I will rest in Heaven, and I think God has kinda taken me up on that.