To be completely honest I have not been looking forward to tomorrow at all. It is the CSF Dinner Dance for a Cure. CSF is an amazing organization that raises money for Chiari research and education. A Dinner Dance is hosted every year about an hour away from me. This Dinner Dance raises a huge portion of the donations for CSF. It is a pretty big deal. I should want to go right? This is where what I want and what my body allows me to do come into conflict.
I love what CSF is doing! I love Cathy, one of the awesome ladies who helps with CSF. She gives of her time, love, and energy to help find a cure. And I even love the idea of a fancy dinner and dance! But then I think of what this really means. And sadly this is where Melinda becomes Debbie Downer. First and foremost, the idea of wearing anything fancy makes me cringe. Tight, uncomfortable clothes are bad enough when you feel decent. Just getting ready means using energy that I do not have. Shower, hair, make-up, dreaded fancy clothes....then making sure 2 of my kiddos also are fancy. After this, an hour drive in car, plus lots of smiling, chatting, and thinking.
Right about now you might be saying to yourself, "Good grief she sure is complaining a ton about a dinner that is raising money for her condition! How ungrateful!" This is what I say to myself!! I hear myself yelling at me! "Get a grip! It is one night! Power through it!" And please do not get me wrong...my "me" self wants to go, eat, party, see friends, and live. But the my "it hurts to even comb my hair" self is saying, "you do realize you will need days to recoup from this?" Seems crazy right? Days, seriously? It is so hard to understand but it is true. I can for a short time "make it work". Eventually though the body just gives. It insists for a break, a time to heal. And when that means giving up possible trick or treat with the kids, church, or schooling, I have to weigh the cost. It stinks to have to think so much about one dinner. Everyday though people with chronic illness have to weigh the cost of each move they make. Many days beloved things get left behind. Sometimes even beloved friends or family.
I knew this was an important night. And I made the decision to go. I am glad I did. I am looking forward to putting my pretty on. I am excited to chat with friends, old and new. I can't wait (wink, wink) to stand in front of all those people and share my family's story. And I am beyond blessed to have the opportunity to further Chiari Research and Education. Could you do me a little favor, though? Could you say a little prayer that on Sunday I could be there for my kids, and walk with them for Trick or Treat? Moving forward one little step at a time!