Over the past few months, hubby and I have been struggling with a huge decision. How to properly school the kids when my health is not going so well? I feel like the past 2 years of schooling have been an attempt on my part. This past year was basically just survival for me. There were months were I could not even begin to teach properly. And this is not fair to the kiddos. They want desperately to learn. I have tried many different ideas, curriculum, lack of curriculum. But it really boils down to one thing, physically I am not able to home school.
This realization breaks my heart! I did not start home schooling to shelter my kids from the world. I did it to open up new doors to a world they may not see in a classroom. I did not home school to keep my kids safe. I am not so naive to think that there are any "safe" places in our world. We are were we are each moment because God has placed there for a purpose. I did not home school because I felt I was a better teacher. I did not home school because we are Christians and I want to protect my child from "pagan" outside influences. As a Christ follower I firmly believe in living in this world...the good and the bad. If I can't guide my child through the web of information, theories, and lifestyles they will learn about, then I have failed as a parent. I teach my kids every day to look for the good in others, and love on them for that. We all may not agree, but we all can love one another.
The reason I home schooled is......I wanted to live my life with my kids. I felt like as a family we were on this journey of life. With home schooling our journey could start and stop when we wanted it to. It could take us many different places and directions. We could share experiences and relish in moments of pure joy. Not one of us would miss a special moment.
For now this is not our reality. Tim and I have thought and prayed long and hard on this. We have looked at all our options. With me facing another major surgery and my health changing each month, we needed a new plan of action. So this school year Aidan and Brooke will be attending school. And yes of course I am a nervous wreck!! Mostly because they are behind. With my past year, I have failed to live up to my teacher position. But both of them our smart and resilient. I know they will be watched over.
One of my main reasons for not sending the kids sooner has been an ongoing health issue that Brooke has. I do not speak of it on the blog because I like to leave some things personal. I have worried and fretted over how this would be handled. I have feared the worst, and saw her being teased and ridiculed. I prayed and prayed for my heart to be calm, and kids to love her for her beautiful qualities. As if God was saying, "I got this!", Brooke has been almost completely healed from this health issue!!! Although I do not want to go into great detail, I want to express the immense magnitude of this. Doctors told us this was permanent. We were talking surgery down the road to just help her cope later in life. And just like that....POOF! So if you feel your prayers are not heard..they are. If you feel it is hopeless, hang on.
I know this next step will not be easy on any of us. But I have HOPE to hold on and see it through. Thank you for continued prayers for our fam! We witness miracles every day!