Nope I'm Not Perfect!

You are probably saying to yourself....um yes that goes without saying!  But how many times do we actually stop and admit it to ourselves or even others?  I think for many of us women we do not want to even breathe the truth that we fall short sometimes.  (men if you are reading, just humor me...you might learn something about your significant other)  I see it so many times with women...we immediately put up that front- we have it all together.  I am sorry to say I do this very often.  I feel the need to reach some sort of perfectionism in my life.  Most days it is never reached, and I go to bed exhausted for even trying.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why is there a driving need to control our lives?

For me, the past few years have changed me in many ways.  I have learned to let many things go in order to survive.  It used to be that I could race against the clock to have a clean house, organized cupboards, meal plan posted on fridge, and clean, well behaved children.  At night, when children were tucked in bed, I would keep going at light speed to scrapbook, sew, prepare meals for week, and prepare home school activities.  During the day, we would run from one play group to the next, meeting friends anytime we could.  Then...Brooke got sick...my life stopped for awhile, and we reevaluated what was important.  Well first her appointments were, and of course our family was.  Everything else had to take a back seat.  I had to turn away from the unorganized clutter in my house, and pack away the mounds of pictures that needed to be scrap booked.  I had to turn down outings because we needed a break.  And with doing this I learned a very important lesson....we are not supposed to run ragged to only appear perfect.  We are supposed to enjoy our family time, and guard our other time.

God has sent me some pretty amazing women who have modeled this for me over the past few years.  Friends who I can just be me with.  I can literally see them with no make up, sweat pants, and children with dirty faces, and these ladies will embrace us.  I have learned this is what true friendship is, someone who will lean down to lift you out of the mess you find yourself in.    These are the people who will not find your flaws and point them out, or will not praise you when you need a good dose of reality.  And this is the kind of person I want to be.  Someone who has an open door policy any day of the week, even when the floor needs swept.

I am honored by the friendships of so many ladies who have held my hand, sat listening, or allowed me to be not perfect!  I am thankful that God created me the way he wanted, and not the way I think is best.  And I am grateful I have learned to embrace this!  Learning to let go has been a process for me, and continues to be.  But I am relieved to say....every day is not perfect and that is ok!  Sometimes dinner is totino pizza rolls because I am so tired.  Sometimes my laundry is so backed up we wear something over!  My house is never perfect with its 70's linoleum and shag carpet.  Sometimes home school is done in the car and in doctor office waiting rooms.  But we always try to have family time at least once per day.  We always say "I love you" every chance we get.  And we have slowed down to notice all the wonderful treasures God has graced us with!  So if you feel like you need to be perfect or prove yourself to anyone, stop and re think what is motivating you.  Remember we are not perfect, and every day we fall short.  And that is ok!  God has given us grace...without it we are chasing a tail that will never be caught.